Girl, Mind Your Own Business
“You’re going to feel like hell if you wake up someday and you never wrote the stuff that is tugging on the sleeves of your heart: your stories, memories, visions and songs — your truth, your version of things — in your own voice. That’s really all you have to offer us, and that’s also why you were born.” — Anne Lamott
I’ll be honest, when I first heard about the phenomenon that is Girl, Wash Your Face, I was underwhelmed. But, because FOMO has a strong grip on me, I went to Rachel Hollis’ website to find what I had been missing from my life that I didn’t even know about. I listened to the first three chapters of her book on the podcast and was not interested. The writing felt contrived and I did not relate — albeit because I am far beyond her avatar, or ideal reader. The stories felt like inflated Instagram posts and I was turned off.
When the book took off like a late summer firestorm in California, I admit I was a bit disgusted. Really? Is that all it takes to write a bestseller? Not understanding the underlying workings of all that goes into a bestseller: the established fan base, the internet exposure, and the talent and dedication of a powerful book launch team. Still, I wondered, why were women so fired up about this book?
My disgust and disinterest soon turned to ambivalence as I reminded myself that there are billions of books in print and each has its target audience. Rachel Hollis hit on hers like an experienced dart player — bullseye! Se la vie, I thought, such is life and it’s none of my business who reads her books and if she’s helping women get set free, then I’m all for that. If she’s not authentic that’s on her and truthfully, none of my business.
My ambivalence has since turned to almost wanting to cheer her on and promote her. Why this change in attitude? It’s because I see how many Christian women have taken the charge — rude and self-imposed though it might be — to attack and vilify Rachel Hollis and Girl, Wash Your Face. It’s as if nothing stirs a Christian blogger or Facebooker or Instagrammer more than the desire to be against something. To some of these avid againsters, I want to ask, “What are you for?”
I get some of it, really I do. As a believer, I don’t want others led astray or hurt by incorrect theology — been there, done that and it is painful. So trust me when I say I am well acquainted with false teachers in the church and harmful theology and spiritual abuse. On the other hand, Rachel Hollis is not pretending to be a pastor, preacher, Christian counselor, or theologian. She’s sharing her story and helping other women find their voice and, hopefully, freedom.
Somebody once told me that, at the end of the day, everyone is looking for freedom. I happen to believe that freedom comes when Christ sets a soul free from the dead weight of its bondage to sin. I believe that most women walking the face of this earth are not free, and even those who claim to know Christ are still not free. They’re stuck in bondage from living in the present past — bringing their past into their now and making it their identity. They’re in bondage to low self-esteem, fear, negativity, and the lack of resources to turn their lives around. And some Christian women are in bondage to perfection — espousing that only God is perfect but being pushed every minute of every day to attain personal perfection. And not to be outdone, there is a bondage that looks like freedom but chains and shackles its captive as strongly as any egregious sin: the bondage of legalism. (again, been there, done that!) Legalism defines everything that it is against and nothing it is for and sets the legalist on its own personal pedestal of pride that shouts to the world: I’m a better Christian than you because I don’t ___________. You fill in the blank. And lately, the blank is being filled with these words “read Girl, Wash Your Face.”
Let me be perfectly clear in saying that if a pastor or preacher or evangelist were espousing blatantly false doctrine, I would say something to someone I care about that follows that person. But, again, Rachel Hollis claims to be none of those things. She’s doing what I — and hopefully you — do every day: telling her story in hopes that it will help others. That’s my calling too. And as Anne Lamott says, You have a right to tell your story — because it’s your story.
Rachel Hollis is not kidnapping anyone or holding women against their will in a conference center demanding thousands of dollars from them. These women are joyfully and willingly handing over their money to hear a message and get some practical strategies for stepping out of bondage. I know, I know, I’ve read a lot of the criticism of how she is talking to middle and upper-class women who shouldn’t have any of these self-esteem or identity issues, but again, that is her avatar or ideal reader. That is her audience and she is serving them what they want and, possibly, what they need.
It’s not my business to pass judgment on Rachel Hollis or her readers. And it’s not my business to shame other women who are finding what they need in between the pages of Girl, Wash Your Face. I will not read her book, not because I’m afraid she’ll sweep me away with false teaching or because she hasn’t peppered every paragraph with scripture references and received a biblical studies degree from a prestigious Bible college. I won’t read Girl, Wash Your Face simply because it doesn’t appeal to me. Just like I didn’t read 50 Shades of Grey nor do I read Stephen King novels or science fiction or a myriad of other self-help books or wife and mommy blogs. It’s not my thing.
But do you know what is my thing? Seeing women set free! My best friend declared over me one day, “You are a freedom warrior.” Does a freedom warrior get bent out of shape when a not so friendly army becomes its ally in a war against the greater enemy?
You’ve heard the saying, “The enemy of my enemy is my friend.” right? Do you know how we defeated the evil Nazi regime in World War II? By befriending and working alongside the evil communist regime led by Joseph Stalin. At that pivotal time in history, President Roosevelt recognized that the greater good was to stop Hitler even if that meant telling Churchill to pinch his nose and bite his tongue as he sat next to Stalin in planning meetings.
Is the greater evil here a young woman who is making millions of dollars sharing her story and giving women some encouragement but not casting it fully in faith-based doctrine, or the enemy of all women’s souls who holds them captive with lies, shame, and fear?
And as far as biblical counseling goes, I once had a pastor jab his judgemental finger in my young face and scream at my wounded soul that the only way I could please God was to “fit the mold” of a good Christian woman. This same pastor slammed his fist on his desk in his office, pointed to his counseling degree hanging on the wall, and said that he did not need to support his advice to me with biblical references because he had a degree that gave him the authority to speak into my life.
I must wonder if at that time of my life Girl, Wash Your Face would have done a better job of setting me free than this encounter with a deranged “man of God”? His so-called biblical counsel set me, a new believer needing freedom more than anything, on a course of trying to please God that tore me up in a million pieces and left me fraught with anxiety and exhaustion. I lived a striving existence attempting to please a God who was surely angry with me every day because try as I might, I couldn’t squeeze into that mold.
Do I think Rachel Hollis is telling women everything they need to be set free? No. Do I think she’s hurting women by planting seeds of freedom and identity? No. Do I think she’s deliberately deceiving women to make money? No. She’s found a chord that wanted to be played and that resonates with women.
To the girl who wants to write about why we shouldn’t read Girl, Wash Your Face, I say, Girl, Mind Your Own Business and write the bestseller that you know women need.
